I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
