Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
