Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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