I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
