I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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