look no pants
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
