i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
