I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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