im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
