Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
