So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
