i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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