Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
is that a dick in a sweater?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
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