So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
