My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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