Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
