he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
