Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
