This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
