I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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