get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
