"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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