I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
