She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
