i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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