how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
