I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
my being single is dangerous.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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