he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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