Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
