Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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