I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize
