I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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