she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
