just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
