I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
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