listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
