There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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