Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
You dont lie about slip and slides
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
