Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
