I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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