I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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