There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
