We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
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