New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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