i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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