He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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