ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
