I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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