Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
