idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
