DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
