nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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