I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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