Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
