Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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