marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
