...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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