I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
The air was thick with penises
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize
